Friday, March 22, 2019

15 Incredibly dumb criminals

There's master thieves and then there's these dumbasses. From trying to car jack someone shortly after being released from prison to bragging about your crime on social media, join me as we count down 15 of the dumbest people ever to lead a life of crime.

#15: Jonathon Parker

Apparently social media is more important than escaping the house you just robbed.
When this moron found some diamond rings in the house he was robbing, his first response was to check his Facebook newsfeed from the owner's computer. As if that wasn't enough, he forgot to log out, making it insanely easy for the cops to identify and arrest him.

#14: Klaus Schmidt

If he could hear, he'd known to run before the cops arrived!
While trying to rob a bank, the employees found out this idiot was deaf when he stated "You're damn right it's a real gun!" when asked if he needed a bag. The staff's next decision was to sound the alarm, which Klaus didn't realize until the cops came to put him behind bars. Funnily enough, he would later try to sue the bank for exploiting his disability, which didn't go well because their exploitation wasn't unjustified.

#13: Willian Alves

Right idea, wrong container!
This dork tried to escape a Brazilian prison by hiding in a kitchen trash can and covering himself with garbage. A neat idea, but he forgot 2 things: the cans were too small for him to fully conceal himself in and the cleanup crew would no doubt wonder why the medium-sized cans were as heavy as a human being. 

#12: Darren Kimpton

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Just wait for the cops to leave first!
This incompetent thief's attempt at breaking into a home ended with him cutting himself on broken window glass, leaving his blood on the crime scene as he fled. His second attempt would've been more successful... If the house he broke into wasn't full of cops investigating a different crime.

#11: Joey Miller and Matthew McNelly

All the permanent marked did was make these two look like dorks!
Instead of a ski mask, these guys tried to disguise their faces with permanent maker. You know, the kind of marker that is almost impossible to remove. Sufficient to say, their disguises failed miserably and they were arrested pronto.

#10: Eloise Reaves

Fess up, how many of you thought only males were gonna be on this list?
After buying crack, this drug buying bimbo went to the authorities to complain about the drug's quality. She apparently forgot that crack was illegal until the cops took her away.

#9: John Mogan and Ashley Buboe

Bragging about your crime on social media is like begging to be arrested!
After robbing a bank, this Ohio couple thought it would be a good idea to brag on Facebook about how their successful heist. They even went as far as showing off the money they stole. In this case, the criminals put 2 and 2 together for the police and got themselves a not so lovely jail cell.

#8: Frank Singleton

Look what laziness got you!
The first thing this guy did after being released from prison was to car jack a woman right in the prison's parking lot! He was thwarted by his inability to operate the car's stick shift and was put right back in a holding cell. Reportedly, he claimed he returned to a life of time so quickly because he didn't feel like walking.

#7: Derrick Mosley

Taking bats to gun stores? Very smart!
Wielding a baseball bat, this guy tried to rob a gun store. After the owner pulled out a gun, all Derrick could do was cower in a corner as he waited for the police to arrive.

#6: Albert Bailey(pictured)/Daniel Glen

"Have my robbery money out by 4 or else!"

This is a tie because these are both separate incidents with essentially the same setup and outcome. These warning happy thugs tried to rob a bank... After calling said bank and telling them to have the money ready. The only thing he found there were some cops, who were most likely wondering how stupid they could possibly be.

#5: Krystian Bala

On the plus side, Amok sold quite nicely.
After murdering someone, this Jack the Ripper wannabe decided to write a book called Amok, which detailed a murder similar to the one he commited. Eventually the cops connected the dots and Bala was sent to jail.

#4: Mohammad Ashan

If only all terrorists were this easy to capture.
This Afghanistan Taliban commander turned brainless buffoon turned himself into the police to collect the $100 bounty that was placed on him. This ended about as well as you'd imagine.

#3: Ruben Zarate

"Just call when the manager returns and I'll rob you then."
This ambitious if dimwitted fiend went to rob a muffler shop, only to find out that all the money was in the safe and only the then absent manager could open it. To save himself time, he stupidly gave the bank his phone number and told them to call him when the manager returned. Instead, the bank called the cops, then they called Reuben and waited to watch his shocked reaction to finding the police there.

#2: James Blankenship

I doubt even Beavis and Butt-Head would believe this guy!
This loophole finding dummy heard a ridiculous rumor: burglaries are only illegal if done at night. This led to him trying to rob his mother's house and being chased down by police, who were most likely amused by his idiocy.

#1: Christopher Kron

People not cut out for a life of crime exhibit A!
It'd be pretty hard to botch up a burglary as bad as this jackass. He broke into a store and made no effort to escape despite the alarm ringing in his ear. When the security company rang the place up, he answered the phone and told the caller his real name before finally leaving with a few beer bottles in hand. The next day, he returned to the store and was immediately put behind bars.

The moral of the story: If you're gonna lead a life of crime (which I highly suggest you don't), bring a brain with you. If you know of some brainless law breakers you think should be on this list, feel free to mention some names in the comment section. I'll see you later. Have a good day or night depending on what time it is.

Sources

Monday, March 4, 2019

10 Times in cartoons where characters got stuck in mud

Who knew mud could act like quicksand? From animals to sentient vehicles, join me as we count down 10 times in cartoons where characters got stuck in wet dirt, aka mud. My info was taken from various wikis.

#10: Craig of the Creek: Sunday Clothes

Not good!
After a paintball war resolution gone wrong, Craig and Kelsey end up trapped in a large mud puddle. J.P. climbs in to rescue them, but not before taking his Sunday clothes off to avoid getting them dirty.

#9: Slim Pig: Sticky Situation

You know what they say: Look before you leap!
After a game of fetch, dog lands in a puddle of mud that he can't get out of. After Slim and Mouse unsuccessfully try to reach him, Duck gives them the idea of playing more fetch to get him out. This proves helpful, as not even the mud can stop Dog from playing his favorite game.

#8: Bob The Builder: Mucky Muck

Maybe a construction vehicle can help!
Travis the tractor is stuck in a muddy patch of ground. With a little effort, Muck the mud-loving track dumper is able to tow him out.

#7: Dinosaur Train: The Big Mud Pit

There's evidence that this happened to the real world dinosaurs!
Larry is trapped up to his legs in a huge mud pit and Mr. Pteranodon gets stuck after trying to pull him out. Using a long vine, their sons Buddy and Leroy are able to free them before any predators show up.

#6: Wonder Pets! Save The Elephant

This'll take a while...
The titular Wonder Pets must help a baby elephant free its trunk from a deep mud puddle. After trying to pull it out with no luck, they manage to free it by wedging a long piece of wood under its trunk and having a hippo step on the other end.

#5: The Wild Thornberrys: Forget Me Not

It's a trap!
An African elephant gets stuck in a large mud hole. Two members of her herd try to pull her out, but they can't. Luckily, the Thornberrys are able to tow her out using their ComVee.

#4: Sheeep: Stuck in The Mud

They didn't think this through, did they?
In an attempt to steal some beach mats, Moze and his henchmen dam up a river to trap Captain Bleat's ship, only to get trapped themselves when they step in the river bank. They are freed (albeit washed up) when Hubert breaks their dam.

#3: Postman Pat: Postman Pat and The Sticky Situation

Just use the quad bike!
On his way to deliver a quad bike to Alf, Pat finds Tamsie the sheep trapped in a deep puddle of mud. Pat and Amy are unable to pull it out, but luckily the quad bike has enough power to get the job done.

#2: Sonic SATAM: Sonic's Nightmare

One third mud plus one third petroleum plus one third quicksand equals one sticky situation!
In a nightmare, Sonic gets trapped in mega-muck, which prevents him from rescuing Sally. Later in the episode when he's awake, one of his feet gets stuck in a mud puddle, but he's able to free himself before Robotnik's robots capture him.

#1: Wild Kratts: Elephant in The Room

This'll take some real muscle power!
The Kratt Brothers find Thornsley's mother stuck in the deep end of a mud wallow. Using elephant power suits and with the help of a jeep, they are able to drag the massive elephant to solid ground.

Even outside a car, getting trapped in mud is a very real possibility. There's bound to be some moments I missed, so feel free to mention some in the comments. I'll see you later. Have a good day or night depending on what time it is.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

15 OP towers in tower defense games

Intruders coming down your backyard's winding path? Maybe this list can help. From temples that fire everything but the kitchen sink to homing missile launchers, join me as we count down 15 extremely powerful units in TD games. In this case, most of my info was retrieved from the Wikia system of websites and games that I've played and/or saw gameplay of on YouTube.

#15: Mini Robot Wars: Missler Bot

These guys are like predatory ants: Get enough and you can destroy almost anything!
What this unit lacks in special abilities and destroying power, it more than makes up for with simplicity and power in numbers. Costing only 50 energy, it fires homing missiles at all enemies on screen. In large enough groups, they can turn even the worst levels of the game into jokes.

#14: Cursed Treasure: Chilling/Dreadful Crypt

Terrifying!
This upgrade gives your crypts a chance to scare enemies into running away on impact. As if that wasn't enough, the tower can also get various perks from the undead skill tree, ranging from a slight chance of killing enemies in one hit to frightened enemies losing health while they run for the hills. These towers can only be placed on snow tiles, but you'll find plenty of those on most levels.

#13: The Creeps!: Pot of Gold

Now that's lucky!
This aptly-titled weapon is only available on Saint Patrick's Day-themed levels and it's fairly expensive, but it more than makes up for it with its usefulness. Not only does it fire rainbow waves that deal good damage and hit all enemies in its range, but it also slows enemies down and gives you extra money for every enemy it hits.

#12: Puzzle Defense: Eye of Ra

Beware the evil eye!
Of all the towers from this match 3/tower defense hybrid this one might just be the mightiest weapon in your Egyptian arsenal. Its range covers the entire map and its attack deals infinite damage, wiping out any enemy it targets in one hit. Its only low on this list because it fires slowly, can't hit airborne targets and its very expensive, costing 50 yellow runes (in this game, there are 5 different currencies and they're all obtained from the match 3 segment).

#11: Zombie TD Reborn and Uprise: Laser Cannon

Regardless of range, this thing packs a punch!
This tower fires slowly and is quite expensive, but it deals incredible damage per shot, it can hit zombies from a huge distance and it can destroy both airborne and ground zombies. It can only hit 1 zombie at a time, but this can easily be solved by including explosive towers in your defense.

#10: SAS Zombie Assault Td: Liquid Clean Tungsten Cannon

Burn baby burn!
After switching from electricity weapon to flamethrower, the special turret turns into this. In addition to dealing heavy damage and firing rapidly, this tower also leaves molten tungsten on the ground that damages all enemies that stand on them until they disappear. It costs a lot of money and needs to be unlocked with SAS money, but the sheer killing power is worth the price.

#9: Plants Vs. Zombies: Cob Cannon

Get enough of these guys and no zombie will reach your house!
This plant might not be the most practical choice in the standard levels, but it is a staple for Survival Endless. Instead of automatically firing at the zombies, this plant lets you fire exploding cobs of corn at your foes. The main downside is the cost: Not only does the tower itself cost 500 sun, but it also has to be planted on 2 Kernel-Pults, both of which cost 100 sun.

#8: Robotic Emergence 2: Large Cyborg Dome

This factory produces so many robots you might as well nickname it ant hill!
This massive factory produces all around good robots to destroy your opponent. What really puts it on this list is how many cyborgs it sends out: The minimum amount is 82 per minute and the maximum is 150 per minute! Unfortunately, the factory itself costs $302, it only sends roads downward and its massive size makes it difficult to squeeze in if you have many factories.

 #7: Warzone Tower Defense: Laser Cannon

One laser beam, several vehicles destroyed!
At the cost of $1000, this tower hits hard, can strike many enemies with 1 blast and can target enemies from a massive distance. The upgrades just make this thing that much stronger and it can also be modified to specifically target airborne enemies.

#6:  Tower Madness: Flamethrower

Unlock for free offer now expired.
These units have a short range, but nearly all aliens with that range will be incinderated. They can burn through even boss enemies easily at level 2 and wipe out entire armies of aliens within seconds at level 3. This literal firepower is balanced out by high costs, long upgrade times, costing real world money to unlock and the game having ghost aliens, which are fireproof.

#5: Onslaught 2: Green Turret

That's a lot of green!
Statistically this turret is one of the weakest on this list, but it makes up for it with the chaining mechanic. It is possible to set these turrets up so they fire at each other like a chain and increase the power of the final laser beam. As if that wasn't enough, you can also combine them with the other turrets for a wide variety of different effects. You can learn more about them here.

#4: Random Defense: Laser Mega Tower

Simple, yet extremely effective!
This tower is quite expensive and can only hit one target at a time, but it deals insane damage per second and it has a rather big range. To unlock it, you'll need to have all 3 research facilities on the field. The Random Doom Tower in the 2nd game is objectionable stronger, having a near full map range and firing extremely powerful projectiles that can hit multiple enemies at once, but it is 4 times as expensive, needs significant amounts of power to run efficiently and requires all the research facilities to be level 4 before you can place it down.

#3: Gemcraft Series: Super Gem

Decisions decisions...
In these games, you can combine gems a number of times until you get some seriously overpowered jewelry. Depending on what gems you combine, you can get some pretty mighty combinations. The method of creating these gems differs slightly with each game, but the most common method involves combining a high level gem with a gem that's 2 levels lower.

#2: Bubble Tanks TD: Mega Mega Tower

Who knew bubbles could be such efficient weapons?
This tower is the result of merging 4 mega towers (which are made by merging 4 regular towers) into one massive unit. Depending on what towers you merge, this tower can have many different abilities. Whether they send screen clearing shockwaves, shoot out exploding projectiles like miniguns or fire army piercing rays of doom, these towers make leaked lives a thing of the past.

#1: Bloons Tower Defense 6: True Sun God

There's overkill, and then there's this guy.
In a series of games with a whole army of way too mighty towers, its funny how this guy easily stands out. This guy gets awesome powers when you sacrifice enough towers to him, in addition to keeping whatever sacrifice-borne powers his preceding upgrade had. If given enough sacrifices, he can go through pretty much any bloon in his path with no effort. If you have the There Can Be Only One monkey knowledge, you can also sacrifice the Super Monkey's other 5th tier upgrades (Anti-Bloon and Legend of the Knight) to a max True Sun God to create a tower that's strong enough to reach round 300 in freeplay mode by himself!

This was a good way to start 2019. Whatever enemies come your way better think twice before charging towards these bad boys. Given how many tower defense games there are, I'm bound to have missed several. If you can think of any other examples, feel free to name them in the comments. I'll see you later. Have a good day or night depending on what time it is.

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

15 Absurdly dangerous kids toys

Take my advise: Just buy your kids those Power Rangers or My Little Pony toys and keep an elephant sized berth away from these colorful death traps. From toy guns that are almost as dangerous as the real things to science kits that contained uranium, join me as we count down 15 toys that could lead to fatal consequences to kids and sometimes even adults. Note: Many of these are discontinued, so you won't be able to buy them even if you for some reason wanted to.

#15: Toy guns.

Don't take this to a bank!
You knew we had to get to these eventually. The BB guns obviously aren't as deadly as bullet-based firearms, but they still tend to hurt like hell if those flying spheres made contact with human skin and can still shoot an eye out. There's also Austin's Magic Pistol, which fired ping pong balls using an explosive chemical reaction between water and calcium carbide, and the SuperSoaker CPS 2000, which packed way too much power for a water gun. The guns that look like real guns also have the added risk of causing police shootings if they were mistaken for the real deals.

#14: Kite Tube

Leave flying to the birds, bats and winged insects, kid!
What do you get when you combine a parasol with a kite? Why a flying death trap that could carry you up to 30 feet in the air when tied to the back of a water ski or really fast boat and continue flying after you fell off, of course!

#13: Hannah Montana Trading Cards

Miley Cyrus how could you?!
Yes, even the family entertainment empire that is The Walt Disney Corporation isn't perfect. These pop star themed cards had 75 five times as much toxic lead as the law allows. The only reason these assassin's dreams come true remained on shelves was because the lead was in the vinyl, not the paint.

#12: Magnetix

Just don't swallow them and you'll have barrels of fun!
These fun while they lasted magnets carried the obvious risk of kids swallowing them and choking to death, but they also had the added risk of coming together in your kids stomachs, tearing their intestines apart. 

#11: Clackers

These tiny wrecking balls were flying into things before the Wiimote was even a concept!
Current versions of this toy had light little balls that wouldn't cause much harm. Past versions, however, had much heavier balls that could easily break noses and teeth if swung with enough force.

#10: Cabbage Patch Kids Snacktime Doll

"We don't need any chewing dolls!" Head Elf from Rudolf The Red-Nosed Reindeer, 1964
These dolls turned cannibals were originally intended to consume plastic foods, but they soon developed a taste for the fingers of curious children. They didn't have an off switch, so the only ways to stop it from biting your kid's finger off were to remove the batteries or take a blunt instrument to the doll's head.

#9: Barbie Sky Dancers

Squadalah, your teeth are off!
When these murderous Barbie dolls were flying, their spinning wings had enough force to lacerate faces, break teeth and even cause blindness in whatever kid got too close. That's pretty strong for a doll that your toddler would tower over.

#8: Tie N Tangle

Who thought this was a good idea?
This rope version of Twister carried the obvious risk of strangulation. As if that wasn't bad enough, the ropes were too strong to be broken by hand, so scissors need to be grabbed ASAP if one of the ropes found its way around your neck.

#7: Aqua Leisure Inflatable Baby Boats

Kinda ironic that a small boat aimed at toddlers can't hold one up!
The leg straps of these poorly made boats were too weak to hold the weight of your baby, so he or she might drown just for trying to use the thing. What's worse is they knew of this design flaw and did nothing about it!

#6: Easy Bake Oven

Keep your fingers away!
When Hasbro redesigned their kid safe ovens in 2006, they accidentally made it so kids could get their fingers stuck in the loading openings and burned by the ceramic heating cores. Fortunately, these children's cooking systems gone wrong were recalled by the thousands and Hasbro redesigned future models so this wouldn't happen again.

#5: Fisher-Price Power Wheels Motorcycle

Your kid's whee will turn into a deuueaugh once this thing spirals outta control!
Even Fisher-Price has a few murder weapons in its otherwise harmless collection of toys. Giving your little one his or her own small motorcycle seems like a fun idea... Until they run into an actual automobile because the accelerator jammed.

#4: Bindeez and Pixos

You keep your unconsciousness inducing drugs away from me!
Before their were Aqua Dots, there were these poison capsules in disguise. The very small beads were covered with a chemical that actually turns into GBH (a freaking date rape drug) when swallowed. Thank goodness this chemical is absent in Aqua Dots.

#3: Lawn Darts

Forget shooting an eye out! With these you'll gouge an eye out!
Easily the most infamous death trap disguised as a toy, these sharp missiles were meant to be thrown at large targets on the lawn. To the surprise of nobody, many reports of injuries and even a few deaths caused by these darts led to them being banned forever.

#2: CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit

I said hold the toxic substance!
Besides this play kit being sold to people of the wrong age, the dust used to look for fingerprints had asbestos mixed into it. Apparently whoever sold this thing to children wanted to make some crime scenes of their own.

#1: Atomic Energy Lab

Nothing says merry Christmas quite like stuff that goes into nuclear bombs!
This little science toy lets kid experiment with radioactive materials, even including some uranium in the box. Is anyone surprised this thing is gone?

Whoever market these at kids was clearly in the wrong marketing department. Given the sheer amount of toys out there, there are bound to be some I've missed. If you know of any, leave some names in the comment section. I'll see you later. Have a Merry Christmas.

Sources