Yo ho ho and a bucket of screw you! Whether they break the game, shame the hell outta you or pull TikTok worthy pranks, here are 20 super clever and funny ways that video games tried to prevent piracy. Note: Only real anti-piracy measures will be shown, so no Mario Party DS shenanigans nor any fanmade screens that do their best Sonic.exe impressions.
#20: Gold Rush: Hung for your crimes
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| Bet ya Nintendo wishes they could do this to video game pirates! |
Like many computer games made during the 80s, this game started with a question that back then you could only answer if you had the instruction book or a code wheel of sorts, which didn't come with pirated copies. In this game's case, answering the question incorrectly showed your character being hung in front of a disapproving crowd.
#19: Ocarina of Time: YOU MUST DIE!!!
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| Hey, as long as that BEN fellow isn't involved, I'll be alright. |
Okay, let's say you managed to get to the end of this game after several hours, but your copy of the game came from an online torrent site rather than your local video game store. Near the end of the game Zelda acts like she's gonna open a set bars, but instead she walks right through them, leaving you to die in Ganon's crumbling tower. Also, her hair becomes a giant shape for who knows why.
#18: Earthbound: Battletoads Edition
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| This'll be you if you're crazy enough to try this game! |
All who dare illegally download this game are met with a drastically harder game, filled with endless enemy encounters even in places where enemies usually aren't present. If you somehow manage to make it to the end, the game crashes and your save file self destructs.
#17: Grand Theft Auto IV: Screw you!
The PC version of this game has several anti-crack (the act of piracy, not the drug) methods installed in it, most notable being a camera that wobbles around like a drunk and cars so weak you'd think they were made out of Atari 5200 controllers.
#16: Serious Sam 3: Invincible scorpion monster
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| Don't even try to kill this guy, it's impossible! |
Did you get this game from a torrent site. Congratulations, you now have an unkillable, protagonist hating scorpion monster to keep you company on your no doubt difficult journey.
#15: Alan Wake: Eye Patch
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| Aaargh, this swashbuckler's been found out! |
All illegal copies of this game came with free eye patches for the player character that couldn't be removed, letting everyone who watched the videos of YouTube know the users' nefarious deeds.
#14: The Talos Principle: Stuck elevator
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| Go in. I dare you... |
In this game you use elevators to get from one level to the next. At least, you do on legally purchased copies. If you make the mistake of playing a bootleg copy, one of the elevators would get stuck and trap you for good.
#13: Ooga Booga: You are a pirate!
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| Fight piracy with piracy I always say! |
The pirate in this lesser known game has some choice words for bootleggers.
#12: Ranma ½: Hiryuu Densetsu: How is this a punishment again?
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| For those curious and/or horny, the uncensored image can be found here. |
Those who got cracked versions of this Japan exclusive got a really saucy surprise. By the way, that's a man who was cursed to turn into a woman when exposed to cold water.
#11: Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2: Boom shocka locka!
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| It's raining bomb! |
Hey, did you enjoy building all those turrets, mining units and other towers? Well, if you're playing a bootlegged copy of this game all that hard work will blow up seconds after you start the mission!
#10: Zak McKracken: Jailed and called out
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| Again, something Nintendo would do to real life pirates if it were legal! |
This game like many old computer games including the aforementioned Gold Rush started with a code screen that could only be answered if you had the manual. In this case the punishment was both Zak being jailed and you, the player, being called out for your pirating ways.
#9: Alpha Protocol: Annoying main menu
Pirates of this game were in for a big surprise and maybe a headache or two.
#8: Spyro Year of the Dragon: Don't say we didn't warn you
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| You'll be sorry! |
Those daring enough to play cracked versions of this game not a warning from the fairy friend, followed by an ultra buggy adventure that reset itself if you somehow got to the end.
#7: Mod The Gungeon: You are a pirate!
While Enter The Gungeon doesn't have any anti-piracy measures, one of its mods does. If you install the Mod The Gungeon mod on a bootlegged copy of them, you get an impossible first level, a shortcut to the Steam page and a meme YouTube video all in one!
#6: Just Shapes and Beats: Kind of the opposite
This kind of goes against the list, but I'm glad there's at least one game developer who doesn't view piracy as the devil's work (unlike a certain company whose name starts with N).
#5: Michael Jackson The Experience: Ear torment
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| I'm not gonna torture your ears, but you can easily find videos of this on YouTube. |
For illegal copies of this game, instead of Michael Jackson's award winning singing, you'll hear the oh so wonderful sounds of hundreds of vuvuzelas blaring all at once.
#4: The Witcher 2: OH GOD NO!!!!!
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| I'm gonna be sick! |
One neat feature in this game is the ability to have sex with various NPCS. People who did this on illegally acquired copies found that everyone they boned turned into an ugly old woman.
#3: Crysis Warhead: Chickens!!!
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| Ed would have a field day with this game! |
Cracked copies of this game have a secret: All the usable guns had there regular ammunition replaced with harmless chickens.
#2: Rabi Ribi: CRASH SHOCKA LOCKA!!!
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| This is the game I least recommend you pirate (barring anything that has DJ Hallyboo in it)! |
Did you buy an illegal version of this game from a site other than Steam? If so, I hope you like having hundreds of tabs opening on your browser till your computer crashes, because that's exactly what you're getting!
#1: Game Dev Tycoon: A taste of your own medicine
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| If you don't watch Did You Know Gaming, you should. They're awesome. |
This bit of irony speaks for itself.
I know trolling pirates is fun and all, but here's a serious message to game developers: Just because somebody pirates games doesn't mean they're the type of people who incites deadly neighborhood riots, shoots up elementary schools, drops bombs on third world countries and leaves negative reviews of popular movies on IMDB (I'm calling you out especially, Nintendo!). With that being said, thanks for reading and enjoy this new year.
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