15 Insane banned phone apps you won't believe exist

 Y'know, online app stores are like boxes of chocolate. You never know what you're gonna get or what will be taken down. Whether they scam suckers I mean people, didn't work worth a darn or were so controversial that you wonder how they made it onto iTunes and/or Android in the first place, here are 15 mobile apps that were banned for life from app stores.

#15: I Am Rich

Believe it or not, 8 people actually downloaded this before it was removed.

For the price of a thousand bucks, you got an app that showed a bright sparkling gem... And that's it. You can literally get the same effect for free just by looking at the image above.

#14: Send Me To Heaven

Better your phone than your stupid ass! BTW this app is still on the Play Store for some stupid reason.

The goal of this game is to throw you phone as high in the air as possible. I don't mean an in game phone either. I mean your real life, probably very pricey phone that was definitely not meant to be thrown into the sky!

#13: Pokemon Yellow

Pokemon scam edition! Available in 2000 never!

This app pretending to be the classic Pokemon game did nothing but crash when you tried to start it. Several unfortunate people fell for this scam before Apple got rid of it and refunded their money.

#12: Call Blaze

Unaware Android users expecting a pleasant call from Blaze of the Monster Machines instead got a disturbingly nightmarish voice that threatened their kids lives. I'm sure Nick just loved this app when it was around!

#11: Me So Holy

That's not Jesus!

Yeah, nothing says "I'm a follower of God" like putting your own face over that of Jesus (or various other religious figures)!

#10: Relapse Resistance

Please for the love of God don't try this in real life!

Originally attempted to be released alongside Eninem's 2009 album Relapse, this game featured the infamous rapper going on a killing spree for seemingly no reason. Is it any wonder why Apple rejected this game?

#9: Driver's License

Did somebody say fraud?

A game that let's you make your own fake, but authentic driver's license? I don't see how that could go wrong!

#8: Dog Wars

I'm sure Peta won't mind this at all (not that anyone listens to them)...

Virtual dog fighting. I really don't wanna say more.

#7: Puff

Here's something you should show off to your fellow high school students!

All you do in this app is try to look up a girl's panties. As far as I know, this "game" wasn't made by somebody on DeviantArt.

#6: My Shoe

Trump's not the only president people make fun of!

This game recreates the infamous scene where some random nobody threw a show at former president George W. Bush.

#5: Phone Story

The dark side of consumerism everybody!

This is a game that was meant to and I quote "show the dark side of your favorite smart phone", showing off various hardships of less fortunate people in retro style but excruciating detail. While it was banned from the iStore, you can still play it in your browser here if you dare.

#4: Slash

Talk about bad timing!

For this app you swing your phone like you're trying to stab someone. This app had the bad luck of coming out during a wave of teen stabbings in the UK, hence why it was banned.

#3: Prohibition: The Dope Wars 2

The face many parents made when they saw this on their kids iPhones!

A game where you play a drug dealer might work for Newgrounds, but it doesn't work for iTunes as this app found out the hard way. On the plus side Candy War came out of its ashes.

#2: Manhattan Declaration

A phone that tried to be Christian, but instead pushed a manifesto that was condemned for bashing abortion and same sex marriage among other stuff. If you want you can read about it here. Because I don't know of any images that really show off this app, here's a funny YouTube Poop I used to watch a lot when I was a kid.

#1: Baby Shaker

A game where you shake a crying baby png until it dies. I'm not even comfortable showing a picture of this app, so instead here's another funny YouTube Poop I used to watch a lot when I was a kid.

It's amazing what app makers get away with these days (or don't in these cases). Whether your poison is iOS, Android, Windows or some other lesser known OS, thanks for reading this and enjoy your fancy new device. Just don't use it to make fake driver's licenses.

Sources

• Complex
  
• ScreenRant
  
• TV Tropes
  
• PC Mag
  
• Times of India
  

20 Hilarious anti-piracy measures in games

 Yo ho ho and a bucket of screw you! Whether they break the game, shame the hell outta you or pull TikTok worthy pranks, here are 20 super clever and funny ways that video games tried to prevent piracy. Note: Only real anti-piracy measures will be shown, so no Mario Party DS shenanigans nor any fanmade screens that do their best Sonic.exe impressions.

#20: Gold Rush: Hung for your crimes

Bet ya Nintendo wishes they could do this to video game pirates!

Like many computer games made during the 80s, this game started with a question that back then you could only answer if you had the instruction book or a code wheel of sorts, which didn't come with pirated copies. In this game's case, answering the question incorrectly showed your character being hung in front of a disapproving crowd.

#19: Ocarina of Time: YOU MUST DIE!!!

Hey, as long as that BEN fellow isn't involved, I'll be alright.

Okay, let's say you managed to get to the end of this game after several hours, but your copy of the game came from an online torrent site rather than your local video game store. Near the end of the game Zelda acts like she's gonna open a set bars, but instead she walks right through them, leaving you to die in Ganon's crumbling tower. Also, her hair becomes a giant shape for who knows why.

#18: Earthbound: Battletoads Edition

This'll be you if you're crazy enough to try this game!

All who dare illegally download this game are met with a drastically harder game, filled with endless enemy encounters even in places where enemies usually aren't present. If you somehow manage to make it to the end, the game crashes and your save file self destructs.

#17: Grand Theft Auto IV: Screw you!

The PC version of this game has several anti-crack (the act of piracy, not the drug) methods installed in it, most notable being a camera that wobbles around like a drunk and cars so weak you'd think they were made out of Atari 5200 controllers.

#16: Serious Sam 3: Invincible scorpion monster

Don't even try to kill this guy, it's impossible!

Did you get this game from a torrent site. Congratulations, you now have an unkillable, protagonist hating scorpion monster to keep you company on your no doubt difficult journey.

#15: Alan Wake: Eye Patch

Aaargh, this swashbuckler's been found out!

All illegal copies of this game came with free eye patches for the player character that couldn't be removed, letting everyone who watched the videos of YouTube know the users' nefarious deeds.

#14: The Talos Principle: Stuck elevator

Go in. I dare you...

In this game you use elevators to get from one level to the next. At least, you do on legally purchased copies. If you make the mistake of playing a bootleg copy, one of the elevators would get stuck and trap you for good.

#13: Ooga Booga: You are a pirate!

Fight piracy with piracy I always say!

The pirate in this lesser known game has some choice words for bootleggers. 

#12: Ranma ½: Hiryuu Densetsu: How is this a punishment again?

For those curious and/or horny, the uncensored image can be found here.

Those who got cracked versions of this Japan exclusive got a really saucy surprise. By the way, that's a man who was cursed to turn into a woman when exposed to cold water.

#11: Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2: Boom shocka locka!

It's raining bomb!

Hey, did you enjoy building all those turrets, mining units and other towers? Well, if you're playing a bootlegged copy of this game all that hard work will blow up seconds after you start the mission!

#10: Zak McKracken: Jailed and called out

Again, something Nintendo would do to real life pirates if it were legal!

This game like many old computer games including the aforementioned Gold Rush started with a code screen that could only be answered if you had the manual. In this case the punishment was both Zak being jailed and you, the player, being called out for your pirating ways.

#9: Alpha Protocol: Annoying main menu

Pirates of this game were in for a big surprise and maybe a headache or two.

#8: Spyro Year of the Dragon: Don't say we didn't warn you

You'll be sorry!

Those daring enough to play cracked versions of this game not a warning from the fairy friend, followed by an ultra buggy adventure that reset itself if you somehow got to the end.

#7: Mod The Gungeon: You are a pirate!

While Enter The Gungeon doesn't have any anti-piracy measures, one of its mods does. If you install the Mod The Gungeon mod on a bootlegged copy of them, you get an impossible first level, a shortcut to the Steam page and a meme YouTube video all in one!

#6: Just Shapes and Beats: Kind of the opposite

This kind of goes against the list, but I'm glad there's at least one game developer who doesn't view piracy as the devil's work (unlike a certain company whose name starts with N).

#5: Michael Jackson The Experience: Ear torment

I'm not gonna torture your ears, but you can easily find videos of this on YouTube.

For illegal copies of this game, instead of Michael Jackson's award winning singing, you'll hear the oh so wonderful sounds of hundreds of vuvuzelas blaring all at once.

#4: The Witcher 2: OH GOD NO!!!!!

I'm gonna be sick!

One neat feature in this game is the ability to have sex with various NPCS. People who did this on illegally acquired copies found that everyone they boned turned into an ugly old woman.

#3: Crysis Warhead: Chickens!!!

Ed would have a field day with this game!

Cracked copies of this game have a secret: All the usable guns had there regular ammunition replaced with harmless chickens. 

#2: Rabi Ribi: CRASH SHOCKA LOCKA!!! 

This is the game I least recommend you pirate (barring anything that has DJ Hallyboo in it)!

Did you buy an illegal version of this game from a site other than Steam? If so, I hope you like having hundreds of tabs opening on your browser till your computer crashes, because that's exactly what you're getting!

#1: Game Dev Tycoon: A taste of your own medicine

If you don't watch Did You Know Gaming, you should. They're awesome.

This bit of irony speaks for itself.

I know trolling pirates is fun and all, but here's a serious message to game developers: Just because somebody pirates games doesn't mean they're the type of people who incites deadly neighborhood riots, shoots up elementary schools, drops bombs on third world countries and leaves negative reviews of popular movies on IMDB (I'm calling you out especially, Nintendo!). With that being said, thanks for reading and enjoy this new year.

Sources

• OddHeader
  
• WatchMojo
  
• The Gamer
  
• The Easter Egg Hunter
• The Cutting Room Floor
  
• TV Tropes